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July,
2004
Feel free to forward the newsletter to associates - that's how we grow.
Feedback is welcomed, and if you prefer not to receive future issues,
let me know.
"The conversation is the relationship."
Susan
Scott in Fierce Conversations
Success,
One Relationship at a Time
Last
month, we explored the idea that, ultimately, every relationship we have
reflects the one we have with ourselves, and looked at five ways to develop
a stronger relationship with ourselves. This month, we'll build on those
five skills, flipping them around toward others this time. Then, we will
add five more that have the potential to take all our relationships to
a new and more satisfying level. Why all this focus and attention on relationships?
Because everything we accomplish or achieve is done through relationships.
Here
are the five from last month, turned around to apply others in your life:
1. Know
them. Find out what is important to them and why.
2. Appreciate them and all they are, beyond what they are to you, personally.
3. Accept them without judgment.
4.Don't compare them to you or others. Each is unique. Each has a right
to be who they are.
5. Love them. This might feel like a stretch; if it does, do the best
you can, and that might take you back to appreciation.
Last month, we recognized that our success or failure in other relationships
is a reflection of how we see and treat ourselves. This month, we look
at time spent in developing relationships with others as a wise investment
that could create value for a lifetime. Here is a personal example: when
I changed my service from graphic design to executive coaching, my first
several clients were people who knew me and my level of commitment and
professionalism as a designer. They helped me launch a new business based
on the trust we had already built. Every conversation you have is potentially
laying the groundwork for future collaboration.
Relationships
As Investments: Five Ways to Build Them Stronger
1.
Listen with your full attention.
When we spend time with clients, colleagues, vendors, friends or family,
we have the perfect opportunity to invest in that relationship just by
listening to the other person with the intention of understanding their
point of view. When you ask someone what they think, listen to their ideas
without defending your own position. This allows trust to build and deepens
the relationship. When your colleague or your teenage son knows he can
share ideas with you without being analyzed or shot down, he is more likely
to want to continue the conversation and it may go in a much more interesting
place than if you put up a stop sign by pouncing on his idea and pointing
out the flaws. So many times, the people we talk with are only waiting
for a break in the conversation to jump in with their opinion. When you
show genuine interest in what the other person has to say, they feel heard
and understood and sometimes that is a rare experience.
2.
Find out what is important to that person.
For example, if you provide a service, ask, "What is the most important
aspect of this to you?" or "What would define outstanding service in your
book?" We sometimes make assumptions and if we are off the mark, we lose
an opportunity to give outstanding service. For example, if I assume that
the most important element to my client is price, when it really is prompt
attention to their needs, I've dropped the ball. The only way we find
out is by asking.
3.
Allow people to be who and what they are.
Learn to love the differences in individuals without trying to fix them,
convince them or change them. Contrast is a beautiful thing. No everyone
is going to share your political views, your religious preferences or
your style of dress. Thank goodness, for what a dull place this world
would be if we were all the same. Embrace people where they stand and
see them as perfect and whole.
4.Find
something to appreciate about everyone you have dealings with.
Sure it will be easier to find in some more than others. We have
become adept at finding fault in everyone and everything. Learn to look
for the best qualities you'd like to see in people. We usually find what
we want to see, so if we are looking for virtues rather than flaws we
will see them. All of us want to be seen and appreciated for who we are
and what we contribute. Each of us is already our own harshest critic...we
don't need help in that area. When someone notices how well we do something,
it makes us feel wonderful.
5.Find
ways to be of service, and go beyond what is expected.
This can be as simple as sharing a resource, book, or introducing them
to someone they'd like to meet. You could also brainstorm or help create
a solution to a challenge. It is surprising how giving to others for the
joy of it, without keeping score, pays off in terms of simply feeling
good. And that positive energy always finds it's way back to us. Last
week, I was feeling a bit self-conscious about my publicity photo because
it caught on film the way my nose wrinkles when I laugh. The day after
I made the comment, I was leaving for a meeting and found this note from
my mate: "I LOVE the way your nose wrinkles when you laugh!" He signed
it with a toothy smiley face and it made my day. Small gestures like that
can do so much to bring us together and they only take a moment.
Opportunities for Coaching
I currently have openings in my coaching practice. If you or someone
you care about is interested in personal and professional development,
let's talk. You can reach me at 425-681-8360.
Books
The One Minute Millionaire: The Enlightened Way to Wealth, By Mark
Victor Hansen and Robert G. Allen. This is actually two books in one.
On the left facing pages are wealth-building concepts, tools, and ideas
presented in a step-by-step format. On the right facing pages, is a fictional
story about how a woman uses these tools to create the life she really
wants. The authors' goal in writing this work is to create a million enlightened
millionaires in the next decade. (Wow! What an effect that would have
on the planet!) These are powerful concepts and ideas. They have an interactive
web site for supporting readers to take the millionaire challenge and
form support groups. Very inspirational and potentially life changing.
TRUMP:
How to Get Rich, By Donald Trump OK, I admit it. I was hooked on The
Apprentice. For someone who loves business, it was fascinating to see
the laboratory they created, whether or not I agreed with his management
style. That spurred me to make an impulse purchase when I saw this book
at Borders. (It was 30% off!) It was an interesting read with a few useful
ideas; for me the best value was entertainment and a peek inside the mind
of The Donald. He was less abrasive than I anticipated, and entirely human
and likeable in many ways. My best takeaways: "I don't think you should
do it for the money, either. Money is not an end in itself, but it's sometimes
the most effective way to help us realize our dreams." and "The possibilities
are always there. If you're thinking too small, you might miss them."
The first person who calls and asks for this book will receive it as my
gift.
My
intention for this newsletter is that it be of value to you. My belief
is that each of us is unlimited in what we can be, do or have. Part of
my personal mission is to enhance the lives of others...how can I enhance
your experience? Let me know where you want to grow and what topics you'd
like me to speak to. If you resonate with something covered here or simply
want to offer a comment, send me an email: teri@intrepid-communications.com
Radiant Blessings to each of you -
Teri
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